Tales from La La Land

UCLA basketball season is over. The NCAA tournament is definitely more fun when you have a team to follow, but I can not lie: I am happy that the season is over, and that Laef is home more often. Yes, I’m happy to see his mug everyday, but, again, I can not lie: What I missed the most was his hands. As in: Please hold the baby while I do A, B, C. Or, please take out the trash, bring in the laundry, clean the litter box while I give the baby a bath.

So, anyway, Laef had his first day off from work on Tuesday. I assumed that he’d spend it eating CheezIts and watching Storage Wars while scratching his balls.

But, he proudly proclaimed that Harper would not be going to daycare, and that they were going to spend the “whole day together having so much fun!”

I immediately gave him my Parent of the Year banner, because, again, I can not lie: If I had a day off from work, Harper would be going to day care (at least for part of the day). Judge me all you want, but I’ve been looking for a spare 4 hours for a while now, and the only way to get that is by having a day off when day care is open. Which, frankly, never happens.

When I left for work Harper was eating a blueberry waffle wearing nothing but a diaper and a bib.

Laef: “I don’t want her jammies to get messy.”

Me: “OK, well, it’s a little cold.”

Laef: “Go to work.”

The key for any mother is this: Out of sight, out of mind.

If I don’t see that Harper is wearing stripes and plaids together, then it probably didn’t happen, and I will never know, and then I won’t lose sleep. If I don’t see that she ate a piece of cat food from the floor, then it definitely didn’t happen (unless I see it later in her poop).

Later that day, Laef brought Harper to UCLA to visit his coworkers. Then he brought her by my office to say hi. So. Cute. The two of them out and about spending their day together.

At 12:30, I told him he should probably get home because they’re now approaching the danger zone of her afternoon nap. If it’s me, I don’t fuck around with nap time. I stay within a 5 centimeter radius of the house so that we can be in the crib before the wheels come off.

Which is why I had to shoo them away. Because if I don’t see that it’s 1 p.m., and Harper is nowhere near her crib for her nap, then it’s not happening and I don’t have to worry about what this will mean for the rest of the day.

At 2 p.m. I got a call from Laef.

“I don’t know what to do. She fell asleep in the car, but only slept for 20 minutes. Now she doesn’t want to go back down in her crib.”

Me: “Well, she’s probably passed the point of napping, and will just stay up the rest of the day.”

Laef: “But, Dad needs a nap.”

Me: “Welcome to motherhood.”

So, they played and hung out for the rest of the afternoon. By the time I got home, it was evident that both were in desperate need of a nap.

Bed time came early. She fell asleep sitting up. Didn’t even bother to finish her bottle.

Daddy Day Care Day absolutely wiped her out.