Tales from La La Land

UCLA is shut down this week for Spring Break. And, because of furloughs, they actually closed most of the departments in the school. Therefore, I am home drinking lime vodka and soda, sunning my gams and mentoring The Sanch. To be honest, The Sanch is not playing along with my Spring Break bliss. He is normally on a very tight schedule: Up at 6:30 a.m., fed at 6:31 a.m., licking the shower door at 6:43 a.m., perched on the windowsill at 7:10 a.m. to say his good-byes.

Today started with him crying at the bedroom door at 6:30 a.m. I exercised the “let him cry until he falls back asleep method” and he was quiet for a while. Eventually we all fell back asleep, but at 9:20 a.m., The Sanch was starving. I was also scarred by my morning dreams, which included Laef engaging in a private volleyball match and super secret text messages, both of which he told me I couldn’t know about. (When I  told him about my dream, he informed me that there’s a cease and desist order on my reading coverage about Sandra Bullock and Tiger Woods).

Anyway, I woke up relieved to know that my husband is not Jesse James, but that my cat doesn’t appreciate change. I fed The Sanch and he then proceeded to walk around the house meow-ing. Non. Fucking. Stop. It’s like he was messed up by the fact that I was there and couldn’t do his super-secret Tiger Woods shit (lounging on the counter, drinking from the toilet, texting the skank next door). Or, he wasn’t tired enough to nap.

I’m a nerd and so my first order of spring break was spring cleaning. Then I made a fruity drink and sat in the sun. Then I watched a double feature of Swingers and The Proposal.

Basically, I was killing time until March Madness starts up again. I finally revisited my bracket today to figure out where I’m at and if I even have a chance to win. It’s still too hard to tell, but I know this: If West Virginia loses, I am fucked. It would be great if Kentucky lost to Cornell (doubtful) or to West Virgina. Even then, I’m not sure if I’d be in it, but I have WVU in my final so it beating Washington is a must. (Sidenote: Money and pride aside, I would love to see the Huskies win).

So, day 2 of Spring Break will be all about the hoops. I would love to be in Vegas again, but I’d probably lose my ass AGAIN so it’s better to be on my couch high-fiving The Sanch if WVU wins.

At first, the idea seems so logical.

Let’s make cookies for all of our friends and coworkers as gifts. It will be cheaper, more thoughtful and meaningful.

And then reality sets in when you actually count the number of people both Laef and I work with along with the neighbors, the UCLA basketball team and the mail man.

But, I was determined to make three kinds of cookies: Paula Dean’s Chocolate Gooey Butter Cookies, Paula Dean’s Ginger Cookies and Tyler Florence’s My Big, Fat Chocolate Chip Cookies.

In the end, I realized the errors of my ways, and realized that making two different kinds of cookies – or even one – would have been more manageable.

I thought everything was fine until I hit a wall midway through Sunday afternoon, had a mini-meltdown and practically divorced Laef for eating the cookies and not vacuuming.

Seriously. I was a FREAK.

I was so tired from standing in the kitchen, rolling dough into balls and washing 4,343,502 dishes that I was beginning to go insane.

Which is the only explanation for also making Martha Stewart’s slow-cook lasagna in the middle of all the cookie mayhem. (It’s actually a really easy recipe and was to die for when it was done. Super yummy).

After it was all said and done, I was happy I did it and we had 40 bags of cookies that looked like this:

I have sent Laef to work with 20 bags, and am curious to know how many bags he eats and how many he gives away. The over under is at 10 each.

After the cookie debacle was finally done, we walked downtown to watch the annual Manhattan Beach Christmas firework show. For some reason, we have never been for this, and despite the fact that my back was killing me and I was at stage four of five on the psycho meter, we went.

We stopped by our neighbors’ house on 18th street to give them cookies and a Christmas card. These are the people who came out of their houses at our wedding to throw rice at us and give us champagne.

Neither was home. The current residents informed us that they are only there during the summer.

I hate them. They totally should have had Laef and I watch their houses during the winter. We would have gladly made sure nothing went wrong.

Anyway, all of the shops downtown are open. Some have hot cocoa, some have champagne and most offer some sort of treats. There are thousands of people camped out on the closed streets.

Despite the fact that Manhattan Beach celebrates Christmas with fireworks, it was the first time this month that I actually felt like it was the holiday season.

We walked home right after and I promptly went to sleep at 8:20 p.m.

Moral of the story: It sounds logical to make homemade gifts, but sometimes a box of chocolates is just fine.

I don’t know if it’s the fact that it’s 80 degrees in November in LA or that I’m working today, but it certainly hasn’t felt like Thanksgiving at all.

Because Laef leaves today with the basketball team and will be gone through Sunday, I am heading to San Diego to spend the holiday with friends.

Being with friends for holidays is a super fun party, but it totally lacks the “did my mom really just drink Two Buck Chuck from a plastic cup?” or the “Is my 3-year old niece really pooping on the toilet with a newspaper?” or the “Is my sister really licking the turkey bone?” or “Is Allison seriously puking on Thanksgiving Day from being hung over?”

Nothing beats family during the holidays.

Even if Laef wasn’t going to be gone, I’m pretty certain we wouldn’t be doing our own Thanksgiving dinner. Cooking a turkey for two doesn’t make any sense, so we would have gone somewhere else and watched other people cook and other people’s families interact.

But, some day, we’re going to have our own stories. Someday, I will be cooking a turkey, Laef will be playing WoW in his boxers and our babies will be passed around among aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. Someday, The Sanch will wonder what the fuck happened to the good ol’ days when he ran this town and there were no mini-humans to speak of.

Can’t wait.

By the way, come back HERE on Monday to read about a SUPER exciting holiday giveaway! I can’t believe I am giving away a present and I have to keep it secret for six days. This is torture for me, but I think you will like it!

Happy Thanksgiving!

XXOO

We are midway through what has been the best three-day Valentine’s weekend ever.

No, we didn’t exchange gifts of diamonds or fancy trips, but we were in an unfamiliar place nonetheless. A place of total and utter relaxation for three days. Lately, it seems one day of no responsibilities is hard to come by, so the past three days have been nothing short of heavenly.

On Friday, we were supposed to go to the movies. We never made it. Instead, we rented three movies at Blockbuster, bought insane amounts of candy and began our Valentine fort sesh.

The Sanch was front and center and desperately wanted a part of it all – the candy, the popcorn and the scary movies.

I will get a flavored Lemon Head before I die.

I will have popcorn before I die.

After one million times of being yelled at and several squirts from the water bottle, he finally bought into laying the fuck down and chilling out.

Fine. I will watch Friday the 13th Part VII.

On Saturday morning, I was wide awake at 8 a.m. I wish I could feel that awake during the week. Since we didn’t make it to the movies on Friday, the plan was to get there sometime Saturday.

My favorite thing to do when I have free time is cook. So, I spent most of Saturday in the kitchen making yummy recipes from the fabulous Williams-Sonoma bride and groom cookbook that Annett and Ben gave us. We had French Onion soup, oven-baked fried chicken, mashed potatoes and grilled artichokes for dinner. It was comfort food at its best, complete with lots of butter, lots of cream and a bottle of Veuve champagne for a V-Day toast (this was a Christmas gift to Laef from one of the UCLA doctors. If you think I would spend more than $4 on a bottle of Cook’s you are crazy).

Unfortunately for Laef, Valentine’s Day ended at about 8 p.m. for me. After cooking all day (and drinking wine/champagne while doing it), I was more than happy to let him play video games and rest my eyes for 12 hours.

I’m sure this sounds un-romantic to people, but I am happiest when doing hobbies I like while Laef is doing hobbies he likes. But with us both under the same roof. Oh, and I like when Sanch is there too, running around trying to get rid of his dingleberry’s that plague him day in and day out. Yes, everyone, Valentine’s Day is all about dingleberry’s and WoW. Total bliss.

Anyway, all of the cooking took its toll on our kitchen plumbing system and so things got even more romantic when we had water all over the floor on Sunday. Our landlord sent over her 85-year-old father to fix it. There’s nothing like an old man in knee pads in your kitchen to spice things up!

We decided to drag ourselves off the fort and out for a walk to burn a few calories. We had been doing nothing but eating and being horizontal for 48 hours so in an effort to prevent bed sores, we headed out for a four-mile walk. The exercise also motivated us to finally see the movie. Except when we got home (and finally got warm), we had an hour to kill before the movie started. Which essentially led to not getting back up again.

So, here it is Monday. Day three of horizontal living. We are really going to try and see this movie today. But the bed is still in the living room and looking damn good.

Apparently, people do buy Valentine’s Day balloons. I revisited Ralph’s yesterday and was actually curious to see if its supply of balloons had dwindled. Turns out the guy in front of me was buying not one, but two GIANT Valentine’s Day balloons. Yes, I am the crazy who took a picture with my phone. Don’t worry, I was very nonchalant about it.

So I was wrong. There are people out there who love the spirit of Valentine’s Day. Like my friend Sarah’s husband, Dave. I got a call from Sarah yesterday while I was at work. She was giddy beyond belief because Dave had woken her up at 5 a.m., blindfolded her and taken her to the airport. They had a layover in San Francisco, where he had reserved a spot for them in some special lounge that was equipped with all-you-can-drink mimosas and bloody mary’s.

She called after a few drinks and after realizing that they were about to board a plane for New York for six days. For Valentine’s Day. What. The. Fuck? Well done, Dave. Well done.

As for our plans. First of all, I have Monday off. Which I am pretty sure makes me almost as excited as Sarah is right now. We are seeing Friday the 13th tonight. Then we are getting super crazy and wild and moving our mattress into the living room for three days. It’s basically like reverting to five year old behavior and building a fort. Then we can eat breakfast in bed while watching Little People Big World marathons.

Lamb, if you make one comment, I will PYITF.

TGIF.

Dear Ralphs,

Is this necessary?

I am not even sure this picture truly depicts the scene at Ralph’s last night. It totally looked like the scene in Sex in the City when Carrie and Miranda go out together on Valentine’s Day and you can’t see them through all of the Valentine’s balloons, which prompts Miranda to ask, “Is it just me or is Valentine’s Day on steroids this year?”

Do we really need to put the ENTIRE stock of Valentine’s Day balloons all over the store? How about a little respect for Beyonce’s single ladies. I mean, perhaps you could display one balloon and keep the stock hidden in the back. Who buys balloons for Valentine’s Day anyway? I thought it was all about the chocolates and flowers.

Maybe it’s just that I’m totally out of the spirit of Valentine’s Day. I know that Laef loves me and he knows I love him. And since we’re constantly in the midst of budgeting, we are giving each other hugs for Valentine’s Day.

Speaking of budgeting. Laef recently was informed of a web site called Mint. (HUGE thanks to Nick for alerting Laef to this site. Huge. Perfect. Thanks.)

Mint is my worst enemy. Laef has gone in and linked everything together and calculated how much we should spend on groceries, allowance, entertainment, gas, etc., each month. Oh! The best part is, he gets an email from Mint when we go over one of these categories.

We did awesome in January. Only went over $5 in groceries. We were under in everything else (um, including my allowance). We budgeted for date nights, movies and wedding stuff.

Well, February hasn’t started off quite as well. My sister was in town for the first weekend and it completely threw me off my game. Of course I had to take her to all the hot Hollywood spots on Saturday. But in the midst of our delicious lunch on Robertson Blvd., I get a phone call.

Laef: “Hi!”
Me: “Hi!”
Laef: “Where are you?”
Me: “Eating a delicious grilled artichoke.”
Laef: “Where else are you?”
Me …
Laef: “You’re already over your allowance for February and it’s Jan. 31.”
Me: …

Thank god there’s only 28 days in February. I just might make it through sans any more allowance.

UCLA celebrates Veteran’s Day. Which means a rare day off for me during the week. I don’t know what it is, but holiday day-offs seem way more exciting than your average Saturday. It feels so vacation-y.

Not to mention, I have always wanted to be one of those lucky people out on a leisurely walk on a weekday morning. Or the lady at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf reading the LA Times at 8:45 a.m. as opposed to braving traffic on the 405.

Laef has a half day off. He works at 1 p.m. So, he made an appointment to get my car’s smog check issue fixed. He made a 9 a.m. appointment. Not sure about the thinking on that, but turns out Laef really is as smart as he thinks. We were all up by 8 a.m. anyway.

We dropped the car off and were then going to make a trip to Costco. It was not even open yet. That’s right, bitches! I was out doing errands before Costco was even open! Yep, 34 going on 84. I’m thinking of seeing a matinée and then hitting Applebees for the 4 p.m. senior dinner special.

I then indulge in morning television.

Couple of notes.

Regis Philbin is a likable enough guy. But, he’s getting too old for this shit. Hearing him try to introduce “Island Def Jam Records’ LA Reid” was nothing short of painful. Kelly had to pick up the pieces by saying how big of a deal LA Reid is. Regis’ expression replied something along the lines of “Quiet, biyatch. This is MY show.”

The View. Holy Fuck. Are there four more annoying people on TV in the morning?

After two minutes of hearing Elizabeth and Joy debate what Veteran’s Day should be about, I decide to vacuum and throw in some laundry.

At 12:15 p.m., Laef heads to work and I head down to the beach for a long run. Much to my surprise, the Tuesday farmer’s market is from 12-4 p.m. so on the way back I stop for some fresh strawberries, tomatoes and spinach. Damn…is this what rich people do all day? Stroll around the farmers market and buy fresh produce? I could so do this.

I get home at 2:30 p.m. and rest on the couch while watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta marathon. I know what you’re thinking, but like I told Sanchez, I’m doing things I don’t get to do on normal days. I am proud of myself for going to beach and getting two hours of exercise. Now I want to watch hours of bad TV while dozing in and out of nap time. Speaking of which, Sanchez has no room to talk. I just looked over and saw how he spends his days:

Oprah has Dr. Oz on. Why couldn’t it have been Brad Pitt’s interview? Oh no. It’s all about bunyons and yellow toenails. Ohmyfuckinggod Oprah is showing her feet. And after the break they’ll be addressing someone with bad breath so bad that her dog runs away. I proceed over to Sanchez, blow in his face. He doesn’t even move a fur. I figure I don’t need to watch the next segment.

I’m moving on to my Sex in the City movie.

There is something about watching Sex in the City reruns (or the movie) that brings me total joy. I decide to make a snack using my fresh tomatoes and pour myself a drink. I just want to fit in with the girls – yummy food and fabulous drinks. My outfit is another story, but I thought it’d be weird if I pulled out my best dress and heels to sit on the couch.

(Sidenote: Yummy snack: Roasted Tomato and Olive Oil Triscuits, Smoked Gouda Cheese, Fresh vine tomatoes, Black Pepper).

Unfortunately, I made my snack right at the point where Mr. Big called off the wedding and am now sobbing on my Gouda. Note to Sanchez: One thing mommy does on her daddy-free time is cry even harder at her girlie movies.

I watch the movie as the sun sets and it’s now 6 p.m. I’ll end the blog here because reality is about to set in. Come 6:30 p.m. – the time when I normally get home from work, it’ll be you’re average Tuesday night: dinner, tomorrow’s lunches, putting away the laundry and so on.

If I were rich, I could get used to this routine.

My great friend, Benji, thought it’d be hilarious to post this on my myspace page.

So, I’m reposting it here. Just to point out that I’m badass and play quarters with Newcastle!

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=24194651

I’m creating a new blog. I blog on myspace, but there are a lot of myspace/facebook haters out there, so this will be for the haters. I will admit that Facebook is losing it’s mind with the poking and super wall-posts and IQ tests.

Anyway, I don’t have a whole lot to say right this moment, but wanted to write something so that I could let me people know I’m on the blogging mission again. And, this one may be a little more out there. Myspace makes me nervous. Believe it or not, I censor a lot of things on there because I am not sure who’s reading.

In the spirit of the holiday’s, I guess I’ll give you a list of what I’m loving right now and maybe you’ll see a gift idea or two.

1. Chocolate peppermint cookies from Whole Foods. You only get like six cookies for $4.99, but they are worth every single penny.

2. Band of Horses. Yes, I know I’m not a cool music peep and that this band has been around for quite a while, but it caught my ear recently and the new CD (as well as the previous) is really good.

3. Illuminations candles. If they don’t have an Illumination in your town (Eugene), you can order online. For the Halloween season I had pumpkin spice and mulled wine. Now I’m using the Christmas Tree and the Cranberry Orange. Phenomenal. And, Laef really likes when I spend $30 on candles.

4. http://www.barkerandmeowsky.com/ If you know anyone with a cat or dog, this web site has the cutest gifts — everything from treats, to toys, to dishes to collars.

5. Spiced rum and egg nog with a dash of nutmeg. Yum.

That’s about it for now. Hopefully, some exciting things will happen soon.

Happy Holidays!