Bringing (Not) Sexy Back
Thursday, 23. August 2012
So the other day I was telling someone how I’ve stopped writing on my blog because I’m scared of being attacked by all those perfect mommy types who describe motherhood with words like bliss, euphoria and sunshine.
Don’t get me wrong. Harper has lots of shining moments.
But, sometimes, um, you know, she is a TOTAL DICK. And, sometimes, I am an ASSHOLE of a parent. And, it’s all so confusing when you don’t know what the F you are doing from one day to the next.
Thankfully, Harper has finally started using some of her sign language so we can at least figure out some things. However, she has her signs crossed, and apparently clapping means more, and the sign for more means hungry, but whatever, we have a Morris system, and it works.
I had recently come to a nice point in our mother/first-child relationship where I wasn’t stressing over her every move. Like, I had finally stopped walking behind her to make sure she didn’t fall and break an eye. I had finally let Laef’s mantra – “She’s a toddler now. She’s going to have falls. She’s going to be OK” rule the house. I was comfortable with letting her be a walking, falling, knee-scratched, shin-bruised 14 month old.
Then one morning while we were doing our normal morning routine, there was a loud sound followed by a cry. This was a real cry. Not the bullshit cry Harper does when I tell her that she can’t eat the roll of toilet paper or Sanchez’ food. (Although, those cries do sound like the world is ending). Anyway, the reality was that her chair had fallen over with her strapped into the high chair. She hit her head, and for a few seconds her eyes rolled back in her head and she lost consciousness.
We spent the morning at the ER. There’s no sadder place to be. There are tears and fears. There are what-ifs and hows and whys.
It was a giant relief to learn that Harper was fine. She had a bump on her head. By the time we left the hospital, her and Laef were back to their old ways, happy to be home.
I was fine too. After I drank a bottle of wine in my bed under the covers. I was trying to erase the memory from my brain. Then Laef brought Harper into the bedroom to show me her new daily required attire.
I don’t always laugh at Laef’s jokes, but this helped. It took a couple of days, but the flashbacks eventually faded. Now it’s a story we can tell later.
By the way, when you share a parenting story like that, you get to hear other people’s horror stories.
“My brother ate a piece of acid when he was 1, and he was OK.” – Anon
“My daughter ate a cigarette butt at the playground once.” – Anon
I guess after hearing a few gems from other people, I figured I could get back to the blog.
Alex Says:
That picture is totally going in the wedding montage.
Elaine Says:
My husband dropped our oldest daughter on her head at a Home Depot, you know, one of those ones without the carpet and rubberized floors p.s. THEY ALL HAVE CEMENT FLOORS. He was carrying her on his shoulders, which totally freaked me out when my kids were little. Why do men DO that? Good thing I wasn’t there because one of us would have been dead or in an insane asylum. At leastbhe felt guilty enough to call me at work and tell me. She didn’t go to the hospital, and she makes MOSTLY A’s, so I guess I will forgive him…eventually
Jen Says:
I’m glad you’re back on the blog. If you ever need someone to make you feel better about how you’re doing just come talk to me. I could tell you some…stories. Oh, man do I have stories. I would probably start with the other day when Chase dropped a Mike & Ike in the mall parking lot, he tried to pick it up so I kicked it away from him and said “acky”. Before I could react he scampered over, picked it up out of a puddle and ate it. SIGH.
AJ Says:
Yay! Glad you’re back!
My son had his first concussion at 3 years old.
My nephew at cow manure before he turned one.
Being a parent is hard!
And my kids are total dicks sometimes. Harper isn’t alone:)
Sarah Says:
My husband fell while holding my daughter when she was two months old. She had a skull fracture!!! I was HORRIFIED. We spent the night in the hospital and aaaaalllllll the nurses and doctors told us stories about how their husband/wife dropped their kid and blah blah injury/ horror/ injury/ all fine now! It made us feel so much better.
I’m glad she is ok!
Allison Says:
Thank you everyone for sharing mom stories!! It’s part of the game, but so scary when it happens!!
hdj Says:
All those perfect mommy types that judge because they think they’re better than you all drink in the closet (or from their bike water bottles during soccer practice).
It happens to all of us. And don’t forget – kids are designed to withstand falls and bumps.
Serina Hanthorn Says:
Really good blog, thank you so much for your time in writting the post.
tonerpals Says:
It’s good to see this information in your post, i was looking the same but there was not any proper resource.
knopik kiev Says:
Thank you very much for this usefull information! I really understand the topic now!
oknaolta Says:
Well, this is very interesting indeed. Would love to read a little more of this. Good post. Thanks for the heads-up.
download music for free Says:
This post is an excellent, TI keep returning to read the content that is always updated.hanks!I am interested in reading more of your stuff
downloadable music Says:
Nice and very informative. I am studying this problem and I must say that your article has helped me a lot.
http://www.getfar.com Says:
Thanks for sharing such an interesting information.
certified payment processing Says:
This article was extremely interesting, especially since I was searching for thoughts on this subject last week
shagaholic Says:
I will recommend my friends to read this. I will bookmark your blog and have my children check up here often
free music online Says:
Good information here. I will post these information to my facebook page. It is really very informative for others.
sheraton la caleta Says:
Great) liked everything very much) keep it up and dont stop)
usenet indexer Says:
I would like to thank you for the time you invest in making such articles cause as I think it can be very helpful for many people who just wish to get as much information about this topic as possible.
nzb seeker Says:
It’s good to see this information in your post, i was looking the same but there was not any proper resource.
link Says:
This is an interesting information….. Keep updating your blog. Thanks a lot for the share…. Thanks!
hand dipped candles Says:
This looks precious, I think.
questmp3 Says:
Thanks i like your blog very much , i come back most days to find new posts like this.
http://www.vantour.com.ua Says:
Огромное человеческое спасбо!
merchant payment processing Says:
This is a very significant blog. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Keep up the good job in posting very good topics.
research paper proposal Says:
You posted editorial Bringing (Not) Sexy Back which gives users bunch of information concerning meticulous subject recognition for this allocate.
traveling to russia Says:
It’s good to see this information in your post, i was looking the same but there was not any proper resource.
certified translation Says:
I enjoyed reading your articles. This is truly a great read for me. I have bookmarked it and I am looking forward to reading new articles.Keep up the good work!
best spa nyc Says:
Thank you for making this site very interesting! Keep going! You’re doing very well!
Best Casual Adult Dating Says:
These articles they are so well written,I had keep on reading,thank you. Hope i can subscribe for future posts.