Tales from La La Land

Well, I think I am sort of recovered from the first weekend of college football. Except for the fact that Laef and I are going to the UCLA vs. Tennessee game tomorrow in hopes that the Bruins don’t pull a Washington.

Speaking of Washington: Thank goodness they were that bad. It took the talk off of Coach Bellotti’s goatee. Now the only two grown men I know with a goatee are Bellotti and Art. I don’t exactly want Coach Bellotti lumped in with the other father figures in my life.

I can’t lie. I woke up at 7:30 a.m. yesterday to watch College Gameday. We had a Costco-sized bottle of champagne, a Costco pack of Corona, a giant bag of $3 tortilla chips, avacados for days and a lot of Cheez-Its.

For some reason Laef had to work at 7 a.m. on Saturday. Cross Country runners are weird like that. So, while they burned thousands of calories, I indulged in major amounts of guacamole, champagne and fried eggs.

Sanchez had his gameday tools also: Livestrong bracelet and Flexiwrap. Yes, the blog is my top priority in life so I did try to put the Livestrong bracelet on him and wrap his shoulder with ice and flexiwrap (for those of you not dating an athletic trainer, flexiwrap is used to wrap ice bags onto various body parts). FYI. Kitties don’t like bracelets. Or ice bags.

By 12:30 p.m. I had taken a brief nap. Let’s just say the USC game put me to sleep. I could be the fucking quarterback and take that team to the national title game. They are batshit crazy-good no matter who is plugged in at quarterback.

Laef finally came home, wondered why I was so “fired up”, why the cat wasn’t speaking to me and where my pants were.

“It’s gameday!”

Gameday makes me giddy. And, I love excuses to be giddy, drink lots of Corona and eat numerous cheese balls.

I did rally to make it to a barebeque to watch the Duck game. I would just like to say that I did not appreciate Oregon’s season-opener being at 7:11 p.m. It was a long day of waiting.

While the Duckies did look solid, Washington is horrible.

Some other things of note on Week 1:

1. Dr. Lou’s dentures. I’m not going to make it an entire season. I think he spit on me twice yesterday. Before noon. I’m not that kinky that early.

2. We have heard the last of Hawaii. Whatever joy ride they went on last year has ended.

3. USC will dominate the Pac-10. Can’t wait for the USC-Ohio State game.

4. Cal’s offense is very Un-Tedford like. Riley is definitely the better option at QB, but the Bears need to iron out some wrinkles. Or throw some new ones in.

5. Oregon State needs a quarterback.

Happy Sunday! Yay for another day off tomorrow! And more college football.

And possibly my last.

The Q&As have been a big hit with Duck fans and so today the Eugene radio station had me on to talk about my days at Oregon, the Q&As, my blog and other fun Oregon stuff.

I was very nervous about it because I’m two years removed from Oregon and I didn’t know if I’d have much to offer. But, looking back at it now, it was really fun to relive some of the happiest times of my life.

I am not on until the second and third segments.

Enjoy!

http://www.cumuluseugene.com/download/talkshows/WRITERSBLOCK_8-27-08.mp3

I have to give props to THE Nick Dozier for sending me what might be the world’s coolest link today. It was not cool at first because my boss was saying things like “Power Point” and “Done By Noon” and “32 pages” and all I wanted to do was get back to this link!

In honor of college football season, I challenge you all to a Mascot-off.

I scored 161 total (92/120 Universities correct and 69/120 Mascots correct). For the record, my motto has always been “C’s Get Degrees” so all in all it’s a pretty standard score for me. Besides, I’m a chick and if I got 191 like Nick, then Benji would start commenting on my balls or how my middle name is Paul.

Thank God for schools like Boise State and Illinois, which proudly display the school name ON the helmet. It’s like having the boy with a 4.23 GPA who has a crush on you sit next you for the History exam. Hey, a couple gimmes never hurt us average folk.

Anyway, have fun peeps. Please comment with your score. And please comment on what some of the gold helmets are. There’s like 8 schools with all gold helmets. I thought Notre Dame had the lock on that. Guess not.

You’ll have to copy and paste the below link. It’s the best I … er…I mean Nick could do. Make sure you check your spelling and read the instructions on the second page for how to list Miami(FL) and Miami(OH).

http://nickdozier.com/documents/helmets.xls

First of all, it’s August 1st. Which means we are exactly one month away from college football season. I have to give props to Rob for linking to my Q&A with Jordan Kent yesterday. Rob and I went to college together and clearly his journalism career has taken off as he is the most famous person in Eugene that I know. His Duck blog makes for a great read and I have to say that one of my favorite things to do is go on and say something funny to rile up his Roblog fans.

Anyway, Rob doesn’t need any help from me in linking his blog, but I appreciate him directing his fans to the Q&As because when you blog it out, it’s nice to have people read it. I doubt the Roblog fans will come back to read about my cat or sex in a sketchy hotel, but fear not Duckies, Keenan Howry is on the block and his Q&A will be posted next week.

Lastly, college football season is probably my favorite time of the year. First of all, you can start drinking at 8 a.m. on Saturday. This is new to me as I used to have to be in the Autzen press box at 8 a.m. to work a 12:30 p.m. game. Granted, I was usually still drunk from the night before, but it was hardly the same. You are not allowed to cheer in the press box and you are not allowed to tailgate at halftime.

Since quitting my job at Oregon, I am now allowed to be a fan. I have often told Rob that he needs to allow guest blogs from Duck fans about how their Saturday went. But, he was annoyed with me by my 19th text on opening kick last year.

Me: “Oh my god! There’s like 50 Duck fans in LA!”
Rob: “Really? There’s like 50,000 in Autzen.”
Me: “I’m doing a shot of patron! It’s 11 a.m.!”
Rob: “Holler!”
Me: “I bought a Duckgirl shirt. I want to blog what it’s like on gameday!”
Rob: “I’m fucking working. Shut it.”

Inevitably, I would go home from the bar, get on Rob’s blog and make a few smart ass comments and get yelled at by Roseanna Duck. So this year, I’m going to do my own fan blog with photos.

WHAT THE FUCK IS A COUGAR?

So, yesterday, this 60 year gigantic Italian man came to the office to give us an estimate on a new copier. Yes, my life now revolves around copiers as opposed to what treats are on the training table menu. Anyway, he walks in and asks about what we want, etc.

Then he looks me dead in the eye and says, “Wow. You’re pretty. I’m going to give you my business card.”

At this point, I am half blushing because it’s always nice to hear “your pretty” when you woke up 20 minutes before you left for work. I’m also half disgusted. But whatever.

He then notices my engagement ring and asks, “Is that a wedding ring or an engagement ring?”

Me: “It’s an engagement ring.”
Fat Italian: “Congratulations. He’s lucky.”
Me: (I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHY THIS WAS MY REPLY): “He’s 26.”
Fat Italian: “How old are you?”
Me: “A young 34.”
Fat Italian: “OH! I know what they call that! You’re a cougar!”

At which point my coworker is completely uncomfortable and steers the conversation back to how many pages per minute the new copier can make.

I’m just curious. What exactly are the rules for a Cougar? Like, does a cougar have to be above the age of 40? Or could a cougar be 15 if she’s dating a 9-year-old? Just wondering.

THE CAT SAGA

I see Montecore is in the lead, which has led Laef to calling him MC all night.

Me: “Are we really letting the blog decide?”
Laef: “The people have spoken.”
Me: “How many times have you voted?”
Laef: “None. I was reading Brittany’s blog. I also like her because she has a pug.”
Me: “I have to email Brittany. She can have the final say because apparently she is God amongst my peeps.”

Brittany likes the nickname Monty for Montecore. However, Laef’s dad’s name is Monte Morris so that’s already taken.

Hopefully by next week we’ll have one name so the cat isn’t completely confused and fucked up.

TGIF!

This week marked yet another scuff on the pro career that is Joey Harrington’s. When he was traded to the Falcons I thought it’d be a good fit for him (although, I’m sure he doesn’t consider himself a back up) because he wouldn’t be front and center and wouldn’t be expected to carry a porous team to victory. And then the other Michael Vick Nike dropped and I couldn’t believe that yet again, Joey would be in the middle of a no-win situation.

I tooled out a bit and looked up Joey Heisman’s NFL wins. The guy has been a part of just 27 wins (an average of just four wins per year). To this point, his NFL record is 27-56. That is a lot of losses for a guy who changed the way the nation looked at Oregon football.

A lot of people asked me this year if I missed Oregon or if I was sad that I was missing out on all of the hype surrounding Dennis Dixon and the team. Sure, I miss certain things, but in terms of the job, I still believe to this day that those years — 2000 and 2001 — will stand as the greatest years in Oregon football.

After the Fiesta Bowl win, my boss at the time, Dave Williford, said, “Enjoy this. It wasn’t always like this and it won’t always be.”

I didn’t believe him. I had joined the Oregon staff just as they were building steam. My first year they defeated Texas in the Holiday Bowl despite the fact no one knew Oregon from Oregon State. My second year was the Fiesta Bowl season. I didn’t know any different.

And then Joey went away. And Maurice Morris. And Justin Peelle. And Wes Mallard. And Peter Sirmon. And Keenan Howry.

Sure, Oregon had some wicked talent this season. They were on a fast track to unchartered territory. But over the course of a season, things happen. Injuries happen. And the train derails. It takes so many little pieces and so many circumstances for a program like Oregon to be on the national scene. In 2000, everything went so right for the Ducks.

Since then, Oregon has used Phil Knights money to promote itself and get recognized. It buys the gadgets and the shoes to lure USCs rejects to its campus. But, somehow, over the past five years, that really hasn’t mattered. The “stuff” doesn’t matter. It doesn’t help get the blue-collar kind of guys that Oregon built its success on in 2000 and 2001.

I’m rambling, but the point is, Dave was right. And he knew it. The following year, we trekked to Seattle for the Seattle Bowl and got thumped by Wake Forest. I was no longer basking in the Arizona sun in January. I was drenched in Husky territory in early December. The year after that, I was home for the holidays enjoying no bowl. Then came the Sun Bowl (loss), Vegas Bowl (loss) and now Sun Bowl….

I guess it’s safe to say that while Joey is trying to find his way in the NFL, Oregon is trying to find its way without him.