Tales from La La Land

So it should come as no surprise that after Allison blogged 80% through the honeymoon she has sputtered out. Her blogging well is dry. So she has played another wife card convinced me that I will do a much better job of blogging out the last day of the honeymoon than she would.

Up to this point, we had seen a lot, but we still had a few things we wanted to do: Today Show Friday concert, Little Italy, Chinatown, Rockefeller Center, Ed Sullivan Theater, and watching the sunset from the top of the Empire State Building.

One of the things we wanted to do this week was to see a show taping. I know, we live in LA, the capital of show business, but who does touristy things in their own town? So, on Monday we found out that the Today Show’s summer concert on Friday was Katy Perry. We decided it’d be a twofer and see a show taping and a concert at the same time, so we made ambitious plans to get up early on Friday. Very ambitious – the concert starts at 7:00 a.m. If you want to get up front and be on TV you have to get there well before 6:00 a.m. or have a fancy sign. Nowhere in the 150 pounds of luggage we brought to New York was there posterboard. And in NY posterboard runs about $28/sheet.

We had yet to get up before 9:00 a.m. this week. And the hotel room did not have a coffee maker.

We got up at 10.

Sorry Al.

I’m not a big KP fan anyway. We skipped ahead to the next thing on the list: seeing the adjacent historic neighborhoods of Little Italy and Chinatown. We hopped on the subway like cityfolk and popped out right in the heart of Chinatown. At this point, Allison mentioned that there is a famous fabric store very close by that she wanted to see. So we start walking to the fabric store. After 9 LONG blocks I’m about to point out that this is NOT close when she gets all giddy and announces that we are here! At this point I notice that we are the only tourists at the fabric store.

Me: “Why exactly is this store famous?”

Allison: “Honey, it’s Zarin Fabrics!”

Me: …

Allison: “As in Jill Zarin!”

Me: …

Allison: “Jill from RHWONY!!!!”

And our marriage was tested for the first time.

So we walked 9 long, silent blocks back to Little Italy and searched out an authentic Italian restaurant to eat lunch. We settled on La Mela. It seemed very authentic: huge meatballs, lots of wine, pictures of famous Italians dining there, and lots of flat-screens, which circulated through all of the security cameras. I’ve seen enough episodes of The Sopranos to understand why you need lots of security cameras. So we’re sitting there, drinking wine, eating meatballs and Parmesan and feeling pretty proud of ourselves for finding such a perfect spot. That’s when we look up and see this:

It was just hanging above us like some weird Italian mistletoe. I started to get a little nervous, wondering what type of ritual you’re supposed to do underneath such a mistletoe. I mean, we’re on our honeymoon and all, but I’m not much for PDA. And then I remembered the security cameras and the flat-screens.

Check please!

After our close call, we got back on the subway towards Rockefeller Center. We saw the skating rink, 30 Rock, and Radio City Music Hall right across the street. Then we walked up Broadway to see the Ed Sullivan Theater, where Letterman is filmed. The EST doesn’t offer tours, and Letterman doesn’t tape on Fridays, so there wasn’t much to see. We walked around the side to see the Hello Deli and meet Rupert Jee. Rupert was in his deli looking very pissed at all the people that were coming inside and taking a picture with him and leaving without buying anything. So we decided against taking any photos with him.

After running around the city that never sleeps for 3 1/2 days, we were exhausted. As soon as we got back to the hotel, Allison instantly fell asleep, but I was too juiced (editors note: NO PUN INTENDED. So he says) to sleep because the Cardinals had just acquired Matt Holliday in the greatest baseball trade ever. I sat up and watched ESPN coverage of the trade for an hour until they ran out of different ways to say how awesome the Cardinals are. Then they put Rachel Nichols on.

Nap time.

I was awakened from my nap by the room door closing. Allison had gone out on her last NYC shopping excursion: 2 miniature bottles of Absolute Citron, 2 mini bottles of Absolute Vanilla, a Coke Zero, a 7-up, a bag of salt and vinegar chips, and 2 Snickers ice cream bars.

After she assured me that she had not somehow gotten high while I was asleep, she explained that she was determined to enjoy the last night of the honeymoon.

So we enjoyed our fine cuisine and well drinks. I don’t know if Allison was planning on me sleeping through her party or she just totally underestimated our lushiness, but the alcohol was gone in about an hour. We were wide awake and still ready to party so Allison suggested breaking open the mini bar and opening a couple of the $25 mini bottles.

This suggestion worked as intended.

I grabbed the umbrella and headed down to the liquor store.

It closed at 10 p.m.

It was 10:04.

Shit.

I started wandering around NYC on a Friday night with the bums, looking for a liquor store. Google was no help. Park Avenue was no help. I finally found a grocery store, but it did not sell liquor, only beer. Because it was my honeymoon, I appeased my wife by buying a 6-pack of Corona.

For $12.99.

I don’t even like Corona at regular price.

For better or worse…

Upon returning to the hotel, I opened the door to find my party bride…asleep. At 10:45 p.m.

On the last night of our honeymoon.

I guess we’re just not cut out for New York life.

All in all, we had a lot of fun and saw almost everything we wanted to see while in New York, but we were both ready to get back to LA. We missed the beaches, weather, and (I never thought I’d say this) prices. We’re beach bums and proud of it.

Although I think we’d both trade the 405 for the 6 train any day.

If I can somehow piece together what I did 11 days ago, it will be a miracle.

A smart person probably would have done all of the New York blogs within two days of returning.

I am not that person.

And after a long weekend at the Manhattan Beach 6-Man (I do not think there is a more debaucherous event), I am quite fuzzy today.

Thankfully, I have lots of NYC pictures to remind myself of what we did.

New York City Day 4: Central Park, Rain and OTTO

This was the day that we finally made it Uptown to Central Park. I was looking forward to wandering around Park Ave. as well as the neighboring streets with all of the doormen and fabulous Upper East Side apartments.

When we left the hotel it was warm, but a little overcast. After carting a back pack around for three days, we finally felt brave enough to leave it in the hotel with all of our NYC books and maps.

And our umbrella.

The first half of the day went fine. We saw the MET, walked all around, and took some time to just lay in the grass for a while.

While enjoying our “nap” in the park (next to the guy doing some kind of yoga pose), I noticed the sky beginning to change its mood.

We decide to continue walking in hopes that we can weave our way home before any sort of torrential downpour.

After coming around a bend, we notice a little restaurant (The Boathouse) on the water and decide to have a drink. I remember that on Monday, my massage lady mentioned that we should have a drink at the restaurant in Central Park, but not to bother with the food. She said it isn’t that good, but that it is definitely a nice place for a drink.

I notice a lot of people eating cheese plates with grapes and crackers. To me, it looks fucking delicious, but I have already convinced Laef to stop and enjoy a $14 Boathouse Greyhound, so I figure I’ll let the cheese battle go.

We sat there for a long time watching the turtles swim and couples try to navigate their boats (you can rent canoes and float around the lake, but we quickly decided against it as we did not want to be that couple who was fighting in the middle of Central Park trying to figure out how to turn our boat 180 degrees).

This is a definite must-see. You won’t find it in the “Free and Dirt Cheap NYC Book”, but if you are able to get a table outside in the bar, it’s a beautiful view and the drinks are really yummy.

It wasn’t until after we returned from our trip that I found out that The Boathouse is where Carrie and Big fall into the water in the Season 3 finale.

That made me even more excited that we went.

However, had I known that then, I wouldn’t have googled “where did Carrie Bradshaw live on Sex in the City” and then made Laef walk all over Uptown trying to find a place that doesn’t even exist.

We spent far too much time wandering around the neighborhood that is supposedly where she lived on the show, and eventually it started to rain.

A lot.

It was 42 blocks back to our hotel and we decided to walk fast. I am not entirely sure why we didn’t get on the subway.

I guess we figured if we hurried we wouldn’t get too wet.

False.

We had just enough time to change clothes and dry up before heading to to meet my cousin Lindsay, her husband Chris and my other cousin Kristin for dinner at OTTO.

I won’t even try to put into words how delicious the food was. We started with a five-cheese spread, two bottles of wine and bread.

We then moved to a variety of pizzas and pastas. The pizzas are $10 and the pasta plates are $9. Very reasonable and worth every last penny.

For desert, we ordered a variety of gelato. If you ever make it to NYC, you must eat at OTTO and you must order the OLIVE OIL COPPETTA for desert. I know what you are thinking. Olive Oil gelato?

Listen to me. It’s straight butter in your mouth.

Everything was all fine and good until I tried to fall asleep that night. I was uncomfortably full because I couldn’t bring myself to leave one single clam or cheese slice on the table.

Best food we ate on the trip.

Before we get started, I would like to point out that I am approaching my two-week anniversary and I am starting to wonder who this person is that I married.

I think we all know about Laef’s extreme budgeting. He was very nervous about the wedding and the honeymoon. He probably thought that I’d go all Bridezilla and insist on Patron, Sea Scallops and Grilled Artichokes as the wedding meal.

That would have been nice, but even I knew our limits.

Anywasted, we did everything we wanted to do in New York, but definitely made a huge effort to cut corners where we could. We didn’t indulge in expensive meals and we certainly didn’t shop as much as I would have liked. We didn’t bother with room service or paying for internet service in our room ($16 per day) – things that would have been kind of nice, but seemed ridiculous in terms of cost.

So, it should come as no surprise that after everything has been said and done, we went under budget. We actually had a decent amount of money left in our wedding account. (A HUGE thanks to all our wonderful friends and family who served as DJ, cake-deliever, guitar player, bouquet-makers, officiant and wedding coordinator. All of those things saved us a lot of money).

I think Laef feels a sense of relief. I feel a sense of accomplishment. I didn’t spend every last dollar to my name – which is how I usually roll.

Yesterday Laef had to make a Costco run to get snacks for a work meeting. He called and asked if we needed anything and I said no because I just went to the grocery store.

When I got home from work, I noticed an industrial size bag of Chex Mix on top of the fridge. I then noticed a box of 80 fruit snacks. The fruit snacks were next to a bottle of 18-year aged scotch.

WTF.

WHO is this person that spends $100 at Costco on fruit snacks and Scotch?

My husband. Who is apparently now a Scotch drinker (Thanks, Sean).

Moving On.

New York City Day 3 – Yankees, Wings and Bar None

The Yankee game was an afternoon game, starting at 1:05 p.m. Let’s be honest, we didn’t do anything in the morning before the game. We slept in again and decided our first meal of the day would be ballpark food.

We took the 4 train to Yankee Stadium and ate at the first place we saw, which had a sign that boasted: “Cheapest Beers at Yankee Stadium”.

So we got two Bud Lite tall boys for $16, a chili dog and a hamburger. It was delicious.

My cousin, Lindsay, and her husband Chris, met us outside with tickets. They sit in Section 203 in the bleachers. If you ever make it to Yankee Stadium, I highly recommend this section.

Lindsay and Chris knew almost everyone sitting near us. They used to have season tickets and met all these other people, who also have season tickets. Same people, sitting the same section for years.

It gives you a great local feel. One of Lindsay’s friends is the leader of what is known as Roll Call.

As the first inning starts, this guy gets the section to start chanting every single Yankee starter. They go through each position, yell the player’s name until said player turns and waves to the section. (ARod, seen below, barely raised a glove because he is a dick, but the rest of them got pretty into it).

It’s awesome.

This is also the section that you will get taunted if you are clearly a tourist and order Guiness with your garlic fries. I don’t know why this guy and his girlfriend thought Guiness was a good idea on a hot New York summer day, but the locals took notice, yelling, “Milk was a bad choice! Enjoy your garlic fries and milk!”

This is also the section that taunted Nick Markakis (who by the way might be my new favorite player because of his hotness factor and because he it a bomb to section 203 after being ribbed for nine straight innings) for the ENTIRE game.

I am pretty sure that the guy in the photo below was yelling this: “Hey, Markakis! We’ve got your mom up here! And we’re shaving her back!”

It was a ton of fun, we drank $9 beers, ate fries and the Yankees won. Good times.

After leaving the game, we headed back to the hotel to shower and figure out our evening plans.

We decided to head to Croxley Ales near NYU because it was Wednesday. And on Wednesday they have 10-cent wings.

The place was packed with locals, which I loved.

There are rules on 10 cent wing night, starting with the fact that you have to order at least 20 wings to begin and have to increase in increments of 10. We made it through the first 20 no problem, but Laef may have over estimated us with the second 20. I think we only managed to eat half of them.

We ended up eating dinner for $4.00 and the drinks were very reasonable so it was another cheap date.

Not too far away was a bar called Bar None, which had $2 well drinks for ladies on Wednesday’s.

This place was a total college bar. It smelled of stale beer and puke, but it was 80s/90s music night and they had cheap drinks. It had Mike Tyson’s “Punch Out” on Nintendo (circa 1987) set up and anyone who was able to beat Mike Tyson won a free pitcher. They say it doesn’t happen often.

The female bartenders took a liking to Laef. He was dancing to 80s music in his barstool and it was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. We ordered a shot of Patron, a Mikes Hard Lemonade and a beer.

The bartender told Laef, “Just give me $10.”

Seriously? We just spent $9 for one beer at Yankee Stadium and this girl was giving us all that for $10?

Laef quickly tried to figure out how to anull the marriage so he could marry this girl. Or Angie Sit who gave us the book that led us to this bar.

We had so much fun at this dive listening to fun music and drinking cheap beer.

After leaving I convinced Laef that we needed a crepe from the street vendor. The dude was making them fresh right there on a grill. It was so effing yummy. And messy. I dropped half of the contents out on the subway, but I saved the Nutella, so it didn’t matter much.

This was the first night that we slept like babies.

I guess I’ll write this blog since the fucking Cardinals are embroiled in some 15-inning game with the Dodgers right now.

This is cutting into my Top Chef Masters time. Not to mention, Laef did not say anything about extra-inning games in his vows.

I’ve kept myself occupied for about as long as I can and now there’s nothing left to do but recap Day 2 of our honeymoon.

NYC Day 2 – Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Seeing as I am old and therefore couldn’t seem to sleep well at all, I was always groggy in the mornings. Normally, I’m up at 7 a.m., including the weekends. For some reason, I was lethargic every morning in NYC and had trouble getting my ass in gear.

We woke up to rain on Tuesday morning and I utilized my second “wife card” (the one where I promise some kind of sexual something if Laef will pretty please be the one to walk four blocks to Ess-a-Bagel).

Call me a princess bride if you want, but I guarantee you he was happy to go without me. I am a bitch in the morning until I have coffee. (Sidenote: I would like to send a request to the Waldorf that they put coffee makers in their rooms STAT. I’m sure that’s like totally ghetto or something, but I AimLow if you didn’t know).

We were both in much better shape after some delicious egg and cheese bagels.

Our first stop of the day was the Brooklyn Bridge. We pretended ran across it to get all the best views of the city. It was quite cloudy and rainy, so it wasn’t as picturesque as I imagined, but it was still a fun walk.

Today was also the day that we decided to go to the World Trade Center site.

It’s hard to put into words what it feels like to see the emptiness. It’s hard to stand there, in one of the busiest cities in the world, and imagine that on a normal September morning, something so abnormal could have happened.

New Yorkers are interesting people. They ooze character and passion. They’re passionate about everything – The Yankees, walking down the street, riding the subway, shopping, eating, drinking, laughing and living.

But, most of all, they’re passionate about being New Yorkers.

So, as we toured the city and eventually made our way to the memorial museum, I just couldn’t wrap my head around such passionate people being attacked in such a dark way.

The memorial is filled with many things.

Mostly it is filled with the memory of the people.

And that was tough to see.

One wall is completely covered in missing persons posters that had lined the city streets after the attacks. For some, there has never been closure. Their loved ones have never been found.

I can not imagine.

Once we left the memorial site, we headed over to the TKTS booth to buy discount Broadway tickets. Basically, you stand in line at the booth and can buy half-price tickets to whatever shows have not sold out for that night.

We purchased two tickets to Phantom of the Opera. I was pushing for Mary Poppins, but it was a no-go.

Before getting on the subway to head home and get cleaned up for Broadway, we ate at L&L Hawaiian Barbecue.

While it was very delicious and reasonably priced, I have to say that it did not overtake Hawaiian Time in Eugene.

After eating, we ventured back to midtown to rest up and get ready for Phantom.

We made it on time, which is a plus for us. I have to say that I didn’t love it. I am not sure what that means. I also didn’t hate it. I just wasn’t moved by it. Despite my uncertainty, I was completely in awe of seeing a show on Broadway in NYC.

Afterwards, we wandered around Times Square and ate pizza for a late-night snack.

Once again, the city kicked our ass and we called it a night before midnight.

Stay tuned for Day 3: Yankee Stadium and Bar None. My favorite day.

Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.

It’s hard to believe we’re here already. Back to work, back in our routine. It’s as though this monumental thing never happened. In the blink of an eye, the year of prepartion leading up to that huge day is gone.

Poof.

No more details to think about. I spent so many moments of each day thinking about details for the wedding that it almost seemed like that was the only thing going on in my life.

People are right when they tell you that not much changes after you get married. Especially if you have been living together for a few years before the wedding.

But, this morning, when I kissed Laef good-bye, something did feel different. In fact, as I leaned over to him, I thought, ‘Wow. This is my husband. This is our first grown-up kiss good-bye.’

Then I got in my car and did the same thing I have been doing for the past 18 months – listened to the same talk radio, drank the same coffee and drove the same route to work.

There’s a huge weight that’s no longer there, but looking back, every single thought, detail, stress and worry was utterly and totally worth it. It was, by far, the highlight of my life. (Except for when Teresa flipped the table on the RHONJ season finale).

After the wedding (which Ben described so well), we headed off to New York City. Rather than cram everything into one blog I will do a day by day breakdown.

The thing about vacations is that they truly help you appreciate your life. At least that is what happened for me. I was so burnt out with work, wedding planning, traffic, domestic chores and life in general prior to the wedding that I couldn’t wait to escape to New York.

However, upon returning to LA, I could not have been more happy to see the traffic on the 405, a hint of smog and overcast skies.

I LOVE our life.

Did I love coming back to work today? Not so much, but in a way it feels good to get on with our lives.

NEW YORK CITY – Monday, July 20, 2009
We actually arrived at JFK airport around 9:30 p.m. on Sunday, July 19. We were immediately approached by a random man asking if we needed a cab. He told us it would be $65 to the Waldorf. Laef, having researched the flat rate cost for most cabs from the airport to midtown, told the guy that the flat rate is $45.

Rather than lose our business, the driver agreed to take us for $45, plus $6 for the toll, plus tip. $56 gone just like that.

We found out from the hotel bellman that our “cab” driver is totally illegal and doesn’t work for any cab company. He just works on his own with a car and makes money.

At that point, I was thinking we’d be in for a long week as tourists.

We checked into Room 1642 at the Waldorf-Astoria and headed out to get some pizza.

My good friend, A. Sit, got us a NYC care package as our wedding gift. It included a book, “Dirt Cheap and Free in NYC”. We found a lot of delicious cheap eats in that book. Starting with 99 cent slices of pizza that first night.

When we got back to the hotel, we opened the bottle of champagne that our bridal party had left for us in our suite back in Manhattan Beach. We toasted our new life together.

I had no luck sleeping that first night. I don’t know if it was the time change or the excitement, but I was up until about 5 a.m. watching Cathouse on HBO and trying to see all the wedding photos on my phone.

Laef’s grandpa informed me later that my problems sleeping in a strange place have to do with being old. He might have a point. I didn’t sleep for shit the entire week.

We got a little bit of a late start on Monday. We finally walked out of the hotel around noon and headed to Starbucks to jump on the internet and get some much-needed coffee.

We then headed to Grand Sichuan in Midtown for our first real NYC meal. Holy balls, it was some of the best Chinese food we’ve ever had.

The coolest part about it was that it was a local spot. There were no tourists, just regular New Yorkers who were there for lunch. The flavors were so intense and the service was fast. It’s served piping hot. For $7.95 we each got the lunch special, which was a large portion, plus soup and rice. We walked out, tip included, spending only $20.

After that, we walked back to the hotel to refresh. At 2:30 p.m. we headed over to Bliss Spa for massages. We wanted to start our vacation off by relaxing after the craziness of the wedding. However, I highly recommend massages at the END of a trip to NYC.

The massages were wonderful and I especially liked the part where Laef locked himself out of his locker and had to venture to the front desk in his robe. There’s nothing like seeing a 6’6″ guy in a robe designed for a 5’10″ person and realizing that it’s your husband.

And then we got pretty to go to a fancy dinner at Craft in Gramercy Park. This would require our first use of the NYC subway system.

It started off a little rocky as Laef walked up to the window and had the following conversation with the subway lady.

Laef: “Hi. Um. Can I get two.”
Lady: “Two what?”
Laef: Blank Stare
Lady: “Two rides?????”
Laef: “Uh. Yeah. Two rides.”

Lucky for me, Laef went through the hard part. So when I rolled up to the window I just looked badass and asked for two rides like I had a clue what I was doing.

We got to the restaurant with plenty of time to spare so we decided to have a happy hour drink at Bocca next door. Really cute Roman cuisine restaurant with $5 beer and wine for happy hour. I actually would have liked to stay for dinner as the vibe was really relaxed and the menu looked yummy.

However, in hopes of seeing Tom Colicchio in person, we kept our reservation at Craft. The vibe was not quite as relaxed. Not that it was crowded and fast-paced, but it was so ultra fancy that I don’t think either of us felt totally comfortable.

I ordered some oysters as an appetizer and they brought us some bread. After barely putting down my oyster fork, the waiter rushed over and removed ALL of our place settings. Every plate, fork, glass, napkin.

And then he brought new dishes and re-set the table.

At one point, Laef got up to use the restroom and within .4 seconds of him getting up a different waiter sprinted over. He re-folded Laef’s napkin and put it back in its original spot.

I didn’t have to go to the bathroom, but I told Laef, “Dude. I’m going to get up and walk away. Count how many seconds until someone rushes over to clean up my mess.”

That kept us entertained throughout the meal. They probably thought we were coke whores from making trips to the bathroom.

No. We were just having some fun.

The food really was delicious. Especially the sides – Bacon and corn risotto and gnocchi. YUM.

Afterwards, we were pretty spent from our first day (I know, rough. Massages and 5-star meals) so we went back to the hotel.

It was also a little frightening of a day for Laef in terms of expenditure. Between massages and $50 entrees I think he was worried we’d be spending $1,000 per day.

But, as you will soon see, we did not.