Tales from La La Land

Dear Benji,

Here’s an ode. To your wife.

So…the boys made it back from the never-ending bachelor party in Tahoe. I made it through the first three days and on Saturday morning I realized that there were still two more days to go.

I knew Annett was just an hour and a half away, but she had mentioned that she had a lot of stuff to do and was going to be productive. But, on Saturday morning at 9:30 a.m. I called her anyway.

Me: “Um. Hi. Would it be OK if I came down there to have some company?”
Annett: “Really?”
Me: “Well, yeah. I mean, I know you’re supposed to be cleaning and doing stuff, but I can play with the cats.”

So I went down there and we kept each other company. We immediately went to the store for essential girl weekend stuff:

We also got stuff to make a fabulous dinner: Fresh halibut, artichokes and baby reds.

Annett picked out a delicious bottle of white wine to go with dinner. Red wine for trashy magazines and white wine for nice dinner. Makes sense to me!

Not only does Annett have the Sex In The City pink box set, they have also just purchased a 900 square inch TV so we watched until we both fell asleep on the couch.

If the boys would have seen us they would have been so proud. We were not getting ourselves in trouble or doing shots. We were asleep on the couch before midnight.

Thanks Annett for making the last hours before the boys came home one of the best weekends ever! That’s what bridesmaids are for, right?!

When I asked Laef if he was going to go down to hang out with Ben when we go to the Bachelorette Party in two weeks, he said: “I don’t know. But, guys can be perfectly happy alone for four days.”

Lucky.

Only Missy would email me on her birthday to yell at me for writing an Ode to Laef on HER birthday. She has a point. I was getting to it. It’s just that when I saw the trash cans this morning, I really, really missed Laef.

Missy turned 32 today and her biggest claims to fame are: She is shorter than me, played on the Oregon softball team, and her dad is the cool guy who gets to ride the Harley into Autzen Stadium on Oregon football game days.

All joking aside, Missy is a bridesmaid so she is totally worthy of an Ode. Our time in Eugene was cut wayyyyy too short. Let’s just say we bonded over a certain Kangaroo-Jack loving baseball player and the rest is history.

From the moment we met we became inseparable. We liked to call ourselves the Dark Haired Divas and she always took me to Taco Bell late at night. Needless to say, she was NONE to pleased when I went blond after moving to California. Nor was she happy about the recent engagement. We sort of always vowed to be single and cool forever.

I think we have both realized that being single and 52 might not be as cool. She now lives with her boyfriend (although, she hates to admit it) and runs marathons. She’s disgustingly in shape. I hate her.

She has Kim Kardashian’s ass, but the height of Kerry Strugg. I feel like Elle McPherson standing next to Missy. Heart!!

Anyway, in honor of her big day here are some of Missy’s favorite things:

Drinking With Me: (Nice hair and lips…Suck it!)

Cute Camping Boots:


Her Dad:

Beer Pong! (Bitch, seriously, how jealous are you of this set up?):

Shopping At Nordstrom:

For This:

Eating Healthy:

So She Can Look Like This:

HEART!!!

This blog is not my wedding vows. However, if time becomes an issue, you may hear certain things repeated.

I figure I give Laef enough shit on the blog about WoW, how many naps he takes in one day and his inability to navigate Macy’s, that I should point out all of the things that he DOES do.

As I’ve mentioned, he is out of town. I will admit that sometimes having the house to myself is really nice. For example, last night I took my time at the gym and then headed out for some sushi (shhhhhhhhhhh, I know, budgeting, but it’s been SO long!) and then went home and watched The Real World (guilt free). I watched it online at 9 p.m. so that I could be in bed by 10 p.m. How pathetic, I know.

But, somehow, it wasn’t the same without Laef. Let’s be honest, when we’re both home, it’s not like we’re having in depth conversations every night. We’re usually each doing our own thing, but I realized how nice it is to have someone by your side when you’re doing said things.

Also, there are certain things that Laef takes care of that I sincerely appreciate. When he is gone, I can not bring myself to do them. Or, if I do, I HATE it.

Last night when I got home, I realized it was trash day and that the garbage cans were still out and needed to be brought in. This is a Laef thing and I wanted no part of it. So, this morning we are that house. You know, the one with trash cans out for four days. Kind of like the house with Christmas lights still hanging in April.

The other thing that Laef (begrudgingly) takes on is the dishes. I cook and he does the dishes. I sometimes feel guilty about this because I actually enjoy cooking. However, there are plenty of week nights that I have no energy to make something healthy, but I feel way too guilty if I serve him a hot pocket so I always end up making something. Which means, there are usually at least a few dishes every night. For those of you who know Laef, you know this is a big development. When I first met Laef, there was never a clean spoon or bowl because every single dish he owned was always dirty in the sink.

Anyway, there are a small amount of dishes starting to form in our sink. It only makes me miss him more. We are a good team!

And finally. This morning I woke up and realized that I had to start the coffee. This probably makes me sound prissy. I can make the fucking coffee, I’m just saying that usually at night (after the dishes are done), Laef gets the coffee all ready so all you have to do is flip the “on” switch in the morning. Do you know how much time that saves?!

These are all small things in life, but make me realize how much I love my boo!!

Seeing as he’s at a bachelor party, I’m sure he was judging a pole dance or doing a keg stand while I was at home thinking of all the ways I love him!!

XO

Angie Sit had her 30th birthday yesterday. Seeing as she’s a bridesmaid and 30 is a kick ass milestone, here’s an Ode To Ang, complete with some of her favorite things.

Ang tolerated me as a roommate on football road trips for two years. She was lucky enough to be in this role when Laef and I first started dating. Needless to say, there were some tough times that Ang helped me through.

Her ability to go to bars with the wasted Oregon crew, not drink and stay out until the wee hours of the morning always impressed me. She never complained and always had just as much fun as everyone else despite not drinking.

On Saturday mornings, my head would be throbbing, but we always managed to go running on the treadmills or get coffee. We would then watch college football while getting ready for the Oregon game.

The best part about the road trips was how we ALWAYS got lost on the way to the games no matter how many times Dave W. had been to the facility. Ang and I would keep quiet and exchange the “wow. this is a huge shock. We are lost and Dave is starting to get stressed out. Must be game day!”

Anyway, here’s to Ang…one of the best friends a girl could ask for.

It’s my birthday and I’ll blog about myself if I want to.

It should be noted that it is also Angelina Jolie’s birthday. I’m not doing an Ode to Angie because that bitch has enough things going for her. I am fearful that by the time I have babies she will have taken all the decent baby names in the world.

Speaking of baby names, I don’t know why, but every so often I’ll come across a name that’s a little different and quirky so I’ll pose the name to Laef. Sidenote: This does not mean anything. Nor does it mean the names I say are the ones that are the top of the list. If there were a list.

Me: “What do you think of Tilda for a girl?”
Laef: “Is she going to be born 98 years old?”
Me: “Got it.”

A few days later.

Me: “What do you think about Will for a boy?”
Laef: “No. I knew a kid in school that was mentally retarded and his name was Will.”
Me: “Enough said.”

So, when the time comes, that should be fun.

Anyway, I’m 34 today. Which isn’t really all that exciting. Rob took it upon himself to let me know that, “Cool! You’re 34! The chances of your babies have a deformity just went up by 10 percent!”

Maybe it’ll be Will after all.

Anyway…here are some of my favorite things. I left out pics of my peeps because it would have taken way too long. But, you know who you are.

LAEF!

TACO BELL! YES. A close second to Laef. Especially if it’s past midnight.

OREGON FOOTBALL!

CORONA! Enough Said.

MAKE UP.

CAMPING ’04, ’05, ’06, ’07 (RIP)

GRILLED ARTICHOKES (MINUS THE WIERD OLD GUY WHO PLAYS CIV)

EDWARD NORTON (YUMMY. MINUS THE COURTNEY LOVE PHASE)

SHOES. THE HIGHER THE BETTER.

SUSHI. WITH HOT SAKE.

I can already hear the complaints that will be filed after this post.

My Mother: “I cook.”
My Sister: “You didn’t do an Ode to Me on my birthday! Bitch!”

Anyway, a lot of you have crossed paths with Art if you know me. We’ve either made road trips and stopped at my parents’ house or we’ve hung out with him at Rennies.

Today is Art’s birthday. Hopefully he is not vacuuming. Or throwing away the birthday card I sent him.

He’s probably doing both of the above. Thanks to Art, I have a panic attack if there is one dish in the sink at night before I go to bed. Because of Art, I have most certainly thrown away very important things — bills, notices, letters, etc. If you leave anything on the counter at my parents’ house it will be gone. If you are visiting my parents and stay in the guest room, it’s best not to wake up to use the bathroom at 5 a.m. By the time you come back, the bed will have been made.

If you walk in the door and straight to the bedroom, you will come out to see the vacuum cleaner marks.

In the evening you are likely to see Art outside with his bbq (yes, mom, I know you make the pasta salad and the bundt cake) preparing a nice rare london broil.

And, in the kitchen, when you visit, you will ALWAYS find your drink of choice. One time he accommodated the crew by buying Makers (Jerry), Corona (moi), But Lite (Rob), Micro Brew (Hansen) Blue Moon (Laef), wine (Moi, Amy).

Also, in high school Art made the most amazing lunches. To this day they are still in the top 10 at Amador High school. People used to make me bring extra egg salad sandwiches so that I could share.

So, in honor of Art’s birthday here are reminders of a few of his favorite things (I am stealing this from Heather).