Tales from La La Land

We’re heading home to my parents for Easter weekend. All of my siblings, nieces and my nephew will be there. Should be tons of fun.

And educational.

When you hang out with a group of small children, you learn very quickly that most of your vocabulary is not acceptable. Therefore, E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G has to be spelled out. Many times, this includes multiple words in one sentence, which after 3 cocktails (absolutely necessary during a family weekend, and any member of my family who is offended by this statement, should glance at the d-r-i-n-k in their hand), is extremely hard do to.

I used to wonder if it was necessary to talk like your competing against a 5-year-old for first prize in the spelling bee. Like, do we really need to spell out b-a-t-h? Don’t they figure this shit out after the tenth night in a row? I figure they hear the letter “b” and they are like, “F this. I’m outty.”

Then we got The Sanch, and while it is evident that he definitely knows what we are saying (“come here”, “NO”, “get the fuck off the counter”), he ignores everything that is ever said to him.

EXCEPT for the word treat. That little biatch learned that word immediately. He could be in the deepest REM sleep of his life and if we say “treat”, he is up and at ‘em immediately. So, I can definitely understand the need to spell out certain things when you are trying to avoid conflict.

My sister, Brooke, stopped through LA on her way to Mexico last week, and she brought her two daughters with her. Brooke and I were reminiscing about the last time she visited. The time we got absolutely shit-faced on Tequila on a Thursday night.

Me: “I have not been that drunk since”.

Brooke (whispering to Laef and I): “Shhhhh…don’t say drunk.”

Laef: “Remember that time when you visited and you hung out with your friends Dru n’ K?

My niece:  “You were drunk!”

Sadly, there is an age limit to the spelling/play on words tactic. So I guess this weekend I will have to use huge words like inebriated and lavation.