The Mouthgirl
Wednesday, 16. November 2011
You are going to read some things here that might make you ew. Don’t worry, it’s not about sex. Because, um, well … what is sex?
It’s about Harper’s wandering mouth.
You are not allowed to type comments about how disgusting she is, or how I am subjecting her to diseases and filth. I can only control so many things in any given day. So far she has not died, gotten sick or swallowed her hand.
So, she’s a baby. Which means she drools bucket loads. And, to be honest, I hate baby drool. Except for Harper’s. Kind of the same way I don’t love having other people’s cats crawl on me. Sanch is the only one who can put is litter-box paws and stank ass anywhere near me.
Harper has been drooling for a long time. I mean, we’ve been using the term, “Maybe she’s teething” for like 3 months.
The bitch is not teething. She drools just because. I guess that’s what babies do.
However, over the last month she has gotten ambidextrous. She can use every finger and every toe to figure out a way to put EVERY F’N thing in her mouth. Sometimes she will put her foot so far down her throat she gags. Or she will gag on her fingers. At first I was worried, like, is she going to vom all over me from putting her fingers down her throat? Is she going to become the next great supermodel?
But, days go by and she doesn’t choke herself, and she doesn’t barf so I just laugh at her. “Hey dummy, chill on the fingers.”
Every time I put her anywhere, her first thought is “Where can I put my mouth?” When we did sleep training, I checked on her because she got quiet pretty easily. Well, she had her face smashed up against her crib sucking on the wood. When we do bath time, I can not get her to focus because she insists on leaning over and sucking on the tub. Or her bath book. Or the wash cloth. Reading books is a whole other issue. Apparently books taste better than rice cereal (which is about the only thing she doesn’t like putting her mouth on). I have seen my shoe in her mouth, Sanch’s tail, the Bjorn, the remote, my cell phone, her towel, my hair, my cheek, the baby monitor … basically whatever she sees.
I have given up freaking out.
Except for when we boarded a Southwest flight the other day. I put her on the seat so that I could put my bag away. I looked down and she had her mouth on the arm rest. I promised myself I wouldn’t be that spazz traveling mommy, but EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
I’m sure it’s all totally normal, but it cracks me up every time. Especially when I come into the living and see her licking the floor.
Licking floor > Fun toys.
To be fair, she is also starting to put some real food in her mouth.
AJ Says:
You’re a great mom. Babies are like ninjas when it comes to getting things to their mouths. No judging here!!!
heather... Says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…..ah, kids rule.
halfdome621 Says:
Hey-you’re doing everything you can to make sure she is exposed to as many germs as possible so that she will have a strong immune system so she doesn’t get sick as much or have alergies as bad when she’s older. You just have to roll with that philosophy. Even when other more competitive mommies judge you. This is also why it’s ok for toddlers to eat their boogers. Seriously. Although, airplane arm rest is way super gross!
Joy Says:
No worries, she’ll just end up with a really good immune system!
Sherry Says:
Same experience on the Southwest flight. So I started wiping down the armrests, the trays, the windows with anti-bacterial wipes. I swear I’m not THAT mom. I don’t do this anywhere else. I’ve pretty much seen and caught it all on flights, and the way I figure is I don’t need her coming down with death when we’re two days into our visit with nana. Otherwise, Amelia is a free-range baby.
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