Every night right before I fall asleep, I reach over for my iPhone and set the alarm for 6:30 a.m. And every night I ask myself, “Why are you even bothering to set the alarm?”
I have the same thought as I drift to sleep: Maybe tonight will be the night.
Maybe tonight will be the night that Reagan sleeps all the way through. Maybe tonight will be the night that Harper sleeps like a rock and doesn’t wake up until 7 a.m.
Maybe tonight will be the night that Laef doesn’t snore in my ear while peacefully sleeping through the baby cries and cat meowing.
A normal morning consists of Harper bee-bopping into our room at 5:55 a.m. – 6:02 if we’re really lucky – with the following list of demands: “I want cereal, a banana and the iPad.”
I can’t describe how hard it is to take such specific instruction from a 3-year old when you haven’t had coffee. Peeling a banana is actually harder than you might think. Luckily Harper is in a phase where she needs to do everything herself, and thus if I peel the banana our day is ruined by 6:06 a.m. And, if we’ve forgotten to charge the iPad and it’s dead, well, let’s just say we might as well go back to bed and skip to tomorrow.
But this morning was different! I was in the middle of a dream where Hank Schrader, Jesse Pinkman and I were hanging out having drinks. I am pretty sure that Jesse (clean, sober, hot Jesse) was about to make out with me when my alarm went off!
And all around me was silence. No one was awake – not even the cat.
My internal monologue:
“Holy shit it’s 6:30 a.m. and no one is awake! I am going to lay here and enjoy the quietness. No, I am going to take a shower while NO ONE else is in the bathroom. Wait. What was Jesse Pinkman saying in my dream? I am going to snooze until 6:45. No, I am going to drink coffee and read the internet in peace. OMG, you better decide before everyone wakes up and you’ve wasted all this time. OK, I am going to take a shower and I am going to shave because it’s Amy D.’s bachelorette party weekend.”
I tip toe to the shower, close the door and start shaving my legs. I get one leg done when I hear Harper enter the bathroom.
“Mommy, get out of the shower!”
“I need to go potty.”
And so it begins. I tell Harper that she can go potty by herself and that Daddy can get her cereal. But for some reason she decides to wait for me.
Harper: “Why are you shaving?”
I think about the answer for a minute, and then decide to tell her the real reason:
“Because I am going away with Amy for the weekend and I want my legs to be soft.”
Harper: “Oh. You aren’t going to work?”
Me: “Yes, I’m going to work first.”
Harper: “Why are you going to work if you are going with Amy?”
Me: “So I can make money to buy all the things we need.”
Harper: “Mommy, I need a new basket to put apples and peaches in it. Maybe I can get a bike with a basket.”
Me: “Have you been looking at an Anthropologie catalog?”
At least a basket is easier than a puppy. Or a Christmas tree.
Anyway, my suitcase is packed, my legs are shaved and my brows are waxed. Girls weekend starts tonight, and tomorrow morning I will wake up in total silence in a hotel room with a King bed all to myself.
And I’ll probably reach for my phone at 6:12 a.m. and find the Face Time icon.